1. When I say I love you, I mean that I feel a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection, desire to offer attentive care and protection toward a you. I am filled with a feeling of intense desire and attraction towards you. I feel a sense of underlying oneness with you that fills my heart with joy.
2. I give my love to you freely, as an expression of my own passion, and I do so without any expectation of your feelings toward me.
3. When I say “I love you” it doesn’t mean that I feel ownership over you, or that I have expectations for your behavior, or rigid ideas of our future together.
4. I love you for what you are now, not for what I hope you will someday become. I have no plans to change you. I do, however, support your own desire to grow.
5. I respect your right to you having your own feelings, and to your need to learn your own lessons in life. If I can help, I will wait to be asked, and otherwise will allow you to go through the experiences that you need and choose.
6. I will do my best to be in touch with my own feelings and desires, and communicate them to you without any expectation that you will act on them.
7. I am happy with or without you. My bliss is my responsibility alone.
8. I leave you free to be yourself: to think your thoughts, indulge your tastes, follow your inclinations, behave in ways that you decide are to your liking. I have no right to judge or change your behavior.
9. I desire that you be happy. If your time spent with me is not joyful, then you are welcome to go on your way with my love and support still with you.
10. I recognize that we are two separate whole people, who have chosen to walk side-by-side through life for a time. I rejoice in the ecstasy of the present-moments we share together.
-- Note to self: remember to act with love, not desire or need. There's a fine line.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Doors and windows
It has been said that god never closes one door without opening another. It has also been said that you draw to you those things which resonate within your soul. It has also been said that God does not bring you to something you cannot overcome. Or what kills you makes you stronger.
I think all that is amazing advice - when you're not in the midst of the mud that describes it all. It's so easy or people on the outside of our situations to say, "keep it up, suck it up, whatever" but while in the midst of it, you are giving everything you've got just to keep breathing!
Sometimes we need a break. Sometimes we need to fight. In my experience, all of those "open doors" seem to happen when I'm just too selfish to acknowledge what's really going on around me. Those moments in which I disconnect for defensive purposes are always the times when I get knocked around and there's been a lot of both lately.
So what's my advice to the closed door? What's the best thing to do for a situation that god has led you to but wil not break you?
Jump out the dang window man.
Seriously! Break convention. Quit thinking in the box, get new energy by trying the thing you don't expect to work. Maybe god closed the door and brought you to the tough spot to make you jump out the window?
-- Note to self: to get something I've never experienced before, I mist do something I've never tried. Hold my hand, I'm jumping out the window...
I think all that is amazing advice - when you're not in the midst of the mud that describes it all. It's so easy or people on the outside of our situations to say, "keep it up, suck it up, whatever" but while in the midst of it, you are giving everything you've got just to keep breathing!
Sometimes we need a break. Sometimes we need to fight. In my experience, all of those "open doors" seem to happen when I'm just too selfish to acknowledge what's really going on around me. Those moments in which I disconnect for defensive purposes are always the times when I get knocked around and there's been a lot of both lately.
So what's my advice to the closed door? What's the best thing to do for a situation that god has led you to but wil not break you?
Jump out the dang window man.
Seriously! Break convention. Quit thinking in the box, get new energy by trying the thing you don't expect to work. Maybe god closed the door and brought you to the tough spot to make you jump out the window?
-- Note to self: to get something I've never experienced before, I mist do something I've never tried. Hold my hand, I'm jumping out the window...
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Why we do what we do
1. Because each week I get an hour and a half with over 100 students of mixed race and religion and teach them the gospel message. Chapel services are aparrently te talk of the high school. Yes dear ones, teenagers looking forward to church! Of course, using beyonce and r Kelly for music helps, lol.
2. Because god has a lesson to teach you. A guy walked up to me yesterday, asked for some money. I didn't have a cent on me, and after a short repartee, he relieved himself on the street, and walked off. I just picked up the Indiana Jones bag, and quietly removed myself from the area of te growing puddle. I walked away, thinking, "god, open my eyes to see the face of Christ on that man, and surround him with your grace."
3. Because we are called. This isn't a job, and the lives I've touched and changed in 14 months has humbled me dearly. I feel a level of sadness knowing that the trials of this church on these islands is one that I cannot fix, and I must do what I can with whom god brings to me or guides me to.
4. Because the gospel is real. Seeing older parishioners of the churches I serve voice an inability to talk to others about their faith is truly heartbreaking. What have we been doing for fifty years if our elders can't express faith without reciting empty, typical, Christian propaganda? The discipleship program I'm running at the cathedral is mind blowing, and we're going to try a day long conference of it for all episcopalians in te islands in December. But I cannot bring blessing into houses that do not welcome it.
5. Because we weep with the heart of God. We are not self serving, but see all experiences as a chance to see christ in another. When god is hurting because of a situation, we weep too. And we do what we can, even if it isn't as far reaching as we might hope.
-- Note to self: remember why you do this work, and don't let anyone else chip away the mortar that holds your resolve. When it's over and you're coles elsewhere, you'll know. And even though the journey has had disappointments, it has also had profound triumph. Don't forget why you do what you do.
2. Because god has a lesson to teach you. A guy walked up to me yesterday, asked for some money. I didn't have a cent on me, and after a short repartee, he relieved himself on the street, and walked off. I just picked up the Indiana Jones bag, and quietly removed myself from the area of te growing puddle. I walked away, thinking, "god, open my eyes to see the face of Christ on that man, and surround him with your grace."
3. Because we are called. This isn't a job, and the lives I've touched and changed in 14 months has humbled me dearly. I feel a level of sadness knowing that the trials of this church on these islands is one that I cannot fix, and I must do what I can with whom god brings to me or guides me to.
4. Because the gospel is real. Seeing older parishioners of the churches I serve voice an inability to talk to others about their faith is truly heartbreaking. What have we been doing for fifty years if our elders can't express faith without reciting empty, typical, Christian propaganda? The discipleship program I'm running at the cathedral is mind blowing, and we're going to try a day long conference of it for all episcopalians in te islands in December. But I cannot bring blessing into houses that do not welcome it.
5. Because we weep with the heart of God. We are not self serving, but see all experiences as a chance to see christ in another. When god is hurting because of a situation, we weep too. And we do what we can, even if it isn't as far reaching as we might hope.
-- Note to self: remember why you do this work, and don't let anyone else chip away the mortar that holds your resolve. When it's over and you're coles elsewhere, you'll know. And even though the journey has had disappointments, it has also had profound triumph. Don't forget why you do what you do.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Purpose
Yesterday I had an epiphany. A friend asked me a couple weeks ago why is I can't hear it when people express gratitude or appreciation. She asked in the spirit of replying to my attitude that typically just smiles and nods at people's comments about my work or my art. But I was taking (of all things) a facebook Meyers-Briggs quiz (ENFP, surprise surprise!) and this question was asked:
You react more strongly to which of the following:
1. Acheivement
2. Appreciation
And something clicked inside...that I really dont need or seek out people's appreciation or gratitude in response to my actions, I feel fulfilled when my actions have been a catalyst for positive growth that I can see. I don't want the church to thank me or recognize me because of my efforts, I want my efforts to bring it closer to god! I don't want my significant other to respond with deep words of gratitude for the things I do for her, I want to see her stand taller and walk with more peace in her heart because she knows she is worthy of the action and emotion I offer her.
And in all the ministry and projects and discernment and judgment that accompanies my life as a Missioner, if the only reply I get is to be introduced and clapped for and thanked like a mini-celebrity, then my heart fades a bit. But if my programs and sermons and systematic reform and training and mentoring are seeds that actully bring life or healing or the Holy Spirit more closely to another human being, then I will have received glory and thanks primarily from my god, not the world and The Accuser's ranting that i need a plaque and certificates to appreciate my own worth couldn't even be heard above the angel choir singing gods glory.
-- Note to Self: acknowledge deep within that the gratitude and appreciation of the world is STILL something of this world, but when your actions are a catalyst for spiritual growth and renewal, then god fills your heart with more power and grace than any recognition dinner ever could.
You react more strongly to which of the following:
1. Acheivement
2. Appreciation
And something clicked inside...that I really dont need or seek out people's appreciation or gratitude in response to my actions, I feel fulfilled when my actions have been a catalyst for positive growth that I can see. I don't want the church to thank me or recognize me because of my efforts, I want my efforts to bring it closer to god! I don't want my significant other to respond with deep words of gratitude for the things I do for her, I want to see her stand taller and walk with more peace in her heart because she knows she is worthy of the action and emotion I offer her.
And in all the ministry and projects and discernment and judgment that accompanies my life as a Missioner, if the only reply I get is to be introduced and clapped for and thanked like a mini-celebrity, then my heart fades a bit. But if my programs and sermons and systematic reform and training and mentoring are seeds that actully bring life or healing or the Holy Spirit more closely to another human being, then I will have received glory and thanks primarily from my god, not the world and The Accuser's ranting that i need a plaque and certificates to appreciate my own worth couldn't even be heard above the angel choir singing gods glory.
-- Note to Self: acknowledge deep within that the gratitude and appreciation of the world is STILL something of this world, but when your actions are a catalyst for spiritual growth and renewal, then god fills your heart with more power and grace than any recognition dinner ever could.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
A Sioux prayer
Printed in 1958 in Los Angeles newspapers to observe a World Day of Prayer
O great spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds,
And whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me.
I come before you, one of your many children.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty andmake my eyes
Ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
My ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise, so that I may know the things you
Have taught my people, the lesson you have
Hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brothers,
But to be able to fight my greatest enemy - myself.
Make me ever ready to come to you with clean hands
And straight eyes, so when life fades as a fading sunset,
My spirit will one to you without shame
-- Note to Self: speechless. And humbled.
O great spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds,
And whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me.
I come before you, one of your many children.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty andmake my eyes
Ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
My ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise, so that I may know the things you
Have taught my people, the lesson you have
Hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brothers,
But to be able to fight my greatest enemy - myself.
Make me ever ready to come to you with clean hands
And straight eyes, so when life fades as a fading sunset,
My spirit will one to you without shame
-- Note to Self: speechless. And humbled.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Getting things done
Our life in the church is governed by one law: love. Love Your god with all your heart, love your neighbor as yourself. Love. Period.
But, when in the course of human events, those with power or charisma or education come to places of power carrying their demons and weakness into that seat, we lose sight of the law of love. Those of us who work with everything we've got to keep that guide at front want to scream for them to remove ther craniums from their rectums, but I guess we all need a specialist sometimes to tell us what our granma's told us for free.
So what do we do? We see the tires spinning, we see lots of talk and little action, we see the least in our communities neglected because those with the most would rather talk their own lingo than get their hands dirty. What do we do?
We retreat unto him who made himself least. We revisit the teachings of him who called us to serve. We refocus on Christ and his gospel of love. Anything, anything else is something developed from this world...strategic plans, listening sessions, focus groups summits...throw it out the dang window, save yourself some heartache, and just listen to christ.
It's the only way you'll ever get things done.
-- Note to Self: stop trying to manage the whole damn world with your newfangled ideas...sit down with The Book and listen for once!
But, when in the course of human events, those with power or charisma or education come to places of power carrying their demons and weakness into that seat, we lose sight of the law of love. Those of us who work with everything we've got to keep that guide at front want to scream for them to remove ther craniums from their rectums, but I guess we all need a specialist sometimes to tell us what our granma's told us for free.
So what do we do? We see the tires spinning, we see lots of talk and little action, we see the least in our communities neglected because those with the most would rather talk their own lingo than get their hands dirty. What do we do?
We retreat unto him who made himself least. We revisit the teachings of him who called us to serve. We refocus on Christ and his gospel of love. Anything, anything else is something developed from this world...strategic plans, listening sessions, focus groups summits...throw it out the dang window, save yourself some heartache, and just listen to christ.
It's the only way you'll ever get things done.
-- Note to Self: stop trying to manage the whole damn world with your newfangled ideas...sit down with The Book and listen for once!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Security
We all need some kind of security. Wether we're in a different culture, down the street, or in our own house, I think security is something necessary to happiness.
I've been trying to get maintenance done on the Volvo for a week, and it's been a domino effect of problems one after the next. And suddenly, the only thing I own down here is bringing me a sense of insecurity where before it brought freedom.
So what brings security in your life? A significant other? A home, car? Memory?
I'm sitting here in the caribbean and feeling my security (all ready low) drift lower because of a car? Seriously??! Oh me of little faith!! Time to figure out what is going on and readjust some priorities...I got lots of battles to fight and there is no way a material thing should give me grief.
-- Note to Self: find ways to give myself security that doesn't rely on worldly, breakable things. Give to Ceasar what is his and give to God what is his, simple and true. Because the more faith I put into the powers of this world, the more pain I can feel down the road.
I've been trying to get maintenance done on the Volvo for a week, and it's been a domino effect of problems one after the next. And suddenly, the only thing I own down here is bringing me a sense of insecurity where before it brought freedom.
So what brings security in your life? A significant other? A home, car? Memory?
I'm sitting here in the caribbean and feeling my security (all ready low) drift lower because of a car? Seriously??! Oh me of little faith!! Time to figure out what is going on and readjust some priorities...I got lots of battles to fight and there is no way a material thing should give me grief.
-- Note to Self: find ways to give myself security that doesn't rely on worldly, breakable things. Give to Ceasar what is his and give to God what is his, simple and true. Because the more faith I put into the powers of this world, the more pain I can feel down the road.
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